The Newspaper War

thelondonpaper is winning the afternoon newspaper battle by being better and actually containing news, however the walk home still sounds like this every day…

“Free newspaper?”
“Wow, a free newspaper! I could do with knowing what’s going on in the world and the latest rumours about which blonde celebrity is pregnant. Thank you!”

“Free newspaper?”
“No thanks, already got one.”

“Free newspaper?”
“No thanks, already got one.”

“Free newspaper?”
“No tha… oh, wait this is a different one, hmmm, it may have different news in it, or better news or a better photograph of a blonde celebrity who may be pregnant. Thank you.”

“Free newspaper?”
“No thanks, already got two.”

“Free newspaper?”
“No thanks, I probably won’t read the ones I’ve got anyway.”

“Free newspaper?”
“No thanks, ooh wait, is that a third paper. No, you just held up the sports page. Well, I’ll take it anyway as I know you only get paid if you get rid of them all and you did smile and do a little dance for me, taking the paper is the least I can do.”

“Free newspaper?”
“No thanks, I’m fine for papers.”

“Free newspaper?”
“NO. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a recycling bin anywhere close by, I’ll probably read it all on the internet first.”

“Big Issue?”
“How much?”
“£1.20”
“Hmmm, I think its a great scheme but sadly your publication isn’t competitively priced enough to survive in such a harsh market. I’ll have to say no.”

“Free newspaper?”
“Am I the only person in London not handing out free newspapers?”

“Free newspaper?”
“Can’t you see I have several poking out of my bag already.”

“Free newspaper?”
“Hmmm, I should have taken them all and made a papier mache dog.”

“Free newspaper?”
“Maybe I could train the paper dog to fetch me more free newspapers and then I could have a whole pack of papier mache dogs in my flat.”

“Free newspaper?”
“Fuck off.”

… and then I reached my flat.

I still haven’t read any of the papers I collected today.

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